Bang! Or, rather, bink!

At demolition derbies when I was a kid, cars used to smash into each other. It was fun. I wish I could see one like it.

I went to the Montezuma County Fair tonight, hoping that the Western cowboy spirit would mean a more spirited demo. Instead, it made the beater ballet in Hemlock look like American Gladiator. 4 heats took 3 hours, and I've seen more vicious hits--many of them, in fact--on the bumper cars at Seabreeze. The average Manhattan taxi has more body damage than these cars did when they drove away. It was like watching a game of tag where everyone's it and everyone's playing defense. The first 3 heats were over when the clock said they were, instead of when only one car was moving. A bumper was lost, a couple of tires, one car would erupt like Old Faithful every few minutes, but it was highly anticlimactic.

It looked promising at the beginning. Despite the small size ("We've got 15 cars this year!" the announcer exclaimed in an impressed tone, "That's five times the smashing we had last year!"), all the entries were '70s or early '80s American sedans. One was a former police car, with the insignia still on the doors. There was a station wagon. A '76 Chrysler Cordoba and a similar vintage Mark IV that both got knocked out more or less immediately.

But we had to wait for the long line to get in before we could start, then we had to have a Prettiest Car contest that nobody in the audience was very into. I suppose if you're used to running an entire derby with 3 cars, you're pretty skilled at throwing in stalling strategies. Finally they ran the first heat. It was rather dusty. So the irrigation truck came out and sprayed the dirt before the second heat. Unfortunately, he overdid it, so for the remaining heats, nobody could get any traction even when they did have all their tires. The highest drama was during introductions, when the cars would zoom in and skid uncontrollably sideways in the muck as they lined up by the other entrants.

The setup was also not as good as at Hemlock. The arena was about half again as big, giving the cars more room to zoom around like the Ice Capades. The boundaries were marked off with tractor tires rather than cement walls, so nobody could get pinned. And there was no crazy driver award, which eliminated the usual one person per heat who's actually trying to cause collisions.

Then before the final heat, they had an auction. People bid on the car they thought would win, and all the money went into a pot to be split between the bidder on the winning car and the Fair committee. This was interminable--a whole auction routine for each of the 9 entries. I thought about leaving. I got up at 4 this morning, and the crowd and tedium was wearing on me.

The final heat redeemed things somewhat. There was a fire. The former police car drove around with its back end smashed flat (it ultimately took second). There were a couple of hits with wind-up. And it went on until only one car was running (which took a very long time). It made me feel like the evening wasn't wasted, but it was also a bit like smelling baking brownies and not being allowed to eat any. They don't even use a forklift for cleanup.

I'm glad I went though. I got my fix, such as it was. I had a local experience. I did a bit of people-watching.

Sign of the times:
little boy: "Dad, what time is it?"
girl (in the clenched-teeth, exasperated older sister tone): "He doesn't KNOW. He didn't bring his PHONE."

Gotta love little boys:
The 2 boys next to me are horseplaying. Suddenly they're giggling uncontrollably.
Older brother (about 8) (who'd sold a goat at the Fair) in the next row turns around. "What's so funny? Did you guys lick each other?"

One more color in my Summer in Mancos tapestry.