Notes from Underground

Things I've learned on the Seoul Metro:

--If there's nobody on the platform it doesn't mean that you're going to get a seat on the train. It means that your train just left, and it'll be plenty crowded by the time the next one comes.

--If you get on the train, and there are a ton of seats, it means it'll be going out of service sometime very soon (probably before your stop).

--In a similar vein, I've learned to sight-read Cheongnyangni, the stop before mine, and look for it on the train's screen (if it has them). Whatever the time or station, odds are good that the first train that arrives is terminating there, so I need to wait for the next one unless I fancy a walk.

--Sounds: ringing phone-train is coming
classical dirge-this is the last stop
Mozart excerpt/jaunty jazz riff-upcoming stop...I've been working on distinguishing the pattern--does one mean a stop with transfers? something else? I haven't come to any definitive conclusions
blaring K-pop-someone's phone is ringing
tinny, mournful music-coming from the radio hanging from the neck of the blind person walking down the aisle with a collection plate
unintelligible Korean on the PA-???? Just do whatever everyone else does.

--Subway trains are a great place to buy cheap stuff. People clamber in with wheeled carts and give a little spiel, usually with a demo straight out of a 50s parody. In the summer, it was band-aids, household helpers, and other unlikely stuff; now it's almost universally stretch leggings. I actually want some. They look super cozy, and I need more long underwear. What am I waiting for?

--If Koreans are running in the station, you might want to step lively, too. They probably know exactly when the train is coming.

--Acceptable train activities: napping (Korean=narcoleptic), reading, talking on your phone, watching tv on your phone, fawning sycophantically over your boyfriend/girlfriend, making faces at babies, giving candy to young children, giving the stinkeye to everyone else, chinning yourself on the standee handles, trying to stand wherever you're not

--Seats may be scarce, but if you're on one of the older trains with metal seats during heating season, you probably don't want one anyway, unless you're wearing really thick pants.

--Old people must get off the train RIGHT NOW. Do NOT get in their way.

--There's a hierarchy to who gets the open seat on a crowded train. I don't understand it, but on more than one occasion, I've been handpicked via a tug on my jacket by an older person vacating their seat.

--The red seats at the ends of the cars are for people who are old, frail, or pregnant. God have mercy on your soul if you sit there without qualifying. Standing in that area is best avoided as well.

--Wherever you're sitting, there IS somewhere better, and you really should find it. If a seat opens up, it's best to move to it, even if it is more or less identical to where you just were. The spot at the end of the row is the Chosen Spot, for the Very Lucky.

--Any given car will contain: 20 businessmen, 25 students, one parent with young child(ren), 2 unaccompanied kids, 6 hikers with enough gear to thru-hike the AT, 1 waygook, 2 old ladies done up like Leona Helmsley, 1 old lady carrying a huge bundle in a pink scarf, 6 middle-aged women with shopping bags, 1 person who wants money from you for some reason, and 5 wild cards.

--When the doors open, it's every man for himself.